


Happy Birthday Jesus!

by Lynds



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blasphemy, Christmas, Crack, Gen, Jesus as a trickster, Jesus is a good bro, Loki wasn't the bad guy in The Avengers, Religion, Tricksters stick together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 19:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9008284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynds/pseuds/Lynds
Summary: Loki is spotted in Manhattan Cruise Terminal holding up a 'Happy Birthday J!' sign on Christmas Day, so of course the Avengers have to investigate. He says he's just waiting for a friend, but who could want to hang out with the snarky trickster?





	

**Author's Note:**

> You guys...I don't even know what happened. I was making mince pies and listening to Christmas carols while trying to plot out my current WIP, and they appear to have combined in my head somewhere...I hope nobody finds this offensive, it absolutely wasn't meant to be. I do think Jesus has a lot of Trickster characteristics, he was a very anti-establishment figure, but if that goes against everything you believe this probably isn't the fic for you. 
> 
> Happy Christmas to everyone who celebrates it, and happy Yule to those of you who get together at this time of year to enjoy family, warmth, light and food and remember that the winter will come to an end, and that it's easier to get through it together :)

“Guys, we’ve got reports of Loki appearing in the Manhattan Cruise terminal.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” yelled Tony. “It’s Christmas. Don’t these guys ever take a break?”

“Language,” muttered Steve.

“Loki’s not Christian,” Clint snorted. “Why would he give a shit about Christmas anyway?”

“Well,” said Steve mildly, “you guys aren’t Christian either…”

Tony stomped out to his landing platform and waited for the suit to wrap around him, muttering about dry turkey and cold roast potatoes even as he took off over the city. Lights spread out around him, flickering red, green and gold, and he buzzed a set of carol singers in Times square for the kicks. 

He arrived at the ferry port just ahead of the quinjet, and spotted Loki almost immediately. He was just standing there in his fucked up armour, and seriously, did the guy have _any_ other clothes? 

“What’s he doing?” he asked Steve in the earpiece. “Is that…is that a _name plate_ he’s holding? Is he freaking waiting for someone like a normal person?”

“Do we really have the luxury of waiting to find out?”

“Yeah, you’re right. My dinner’s getting cold, let’s bust his ass.” He ignored Steve’s whining and landed in front of tall, dark and evil, who did an honest-to-god (heh) double take and rolled his eyes.

“What _now_ , Stark?”

“You tell me, Reindeer Games. What’s your plan this time? Make it quick, I’m one of those weirdoes who actually likes brussels sprouts.”

“What does it look like, Tin Man? I am waiting for a friend.”

“Did you…did you just make a movie reference? And give me a nickname? That’s all shades of wrong.”

Spangles arrived, closely followed by Natashalie, and Tony imagined Clint was building a nest somewhere for sniping purposes. “Loki, let’s take this outside,” Steve said.

“I am _waiting_ for someone.”

“Who?”

“My friend.”

Tony snorted. “C’mon, you don’t have friends.” The trickster glared at him so hard it almost physically pushed him backwards. 

“What friend?” Natasha asked. “Doom?”

Loki snorted. “Of course not. Why would I ally myself with such a ridiculous mortal?”

“Who, then?” Natasha gestured to his piece of paper, on which ‘Happy Birthday J’ was written in surprisingly childish bubble letters. “Who’s J?”

“It is really none of your business.”

“The last _friend_ of yours sent you to earth with an army and the ability to mind control people, so I think it really is our business, Loki.”

“They were not my _friends_ , Captain,” Loki began, but he was interrupted by a whoop from across the arrivals area.

“Lokiiiiii!”

Tony watched a genuine smile stretch across the god’s face, nothing at all like the vicious, manic grins of the invasion. A short, broad shouldered Middle Eastern man with long hair and a beard raced over, vaulted the barrier and threw his arms around Loki, who made an ‘oof’ sound and returned the hug. “Happy birthday, Jesus.”

It took a while for the sentence to kick in, but when it did, Steve was bristling. “Loki, I appreciate you’re not a Christian, but could you refrain from making fun of those of us who are?”

The new guy turned around to smile at Steve. “Oh, are you Christian?”

“Yes, sir,” he said, chin up as if he was expecting to be made fun of. Tony felt a little bad. He might have wound him up a bit for attending midnight mass.

The Arabic man gave him a blinding smile and grabbed him in a hug too. “You _are_ , aren’t you? Aww, that’s really sweet.”

“Yes, yes, Jesus, your believers outnumber mine.” Loki rolled his eyes.

“The real ones are hard to come by, though,” the man said, patting a gobsmacked Steve on the cheek.

“Come along, Sungura and Krishna are already at Coyote’s house. Set sent a message telling you to go fuck yourself, so he’s going through one of _those_ phases again. We’re meeting Prometheus and Anansi at the airport. They have also decided to arrive by mortal means, I have no idea why.”

“It’s _fun_ , Loki, you should try it one day.” The man Loki called Jesus slung his backpack over his shoulder and wrapped one arm around Loki’s waist. He was almost a head shorter than the alien, though that could be due to the fact he was wearing leather sandals (in _winter_ ) while Loki was still in those insane(ly sexy) boots.

“Wait, you’re _actually_ …” Steve trailed off, and Tony thought he might be about to cry.

“Yes?”

“You’re…”

“Jesus of Nazareth, son of Joseph, yes.” The guy’s beard twitched, and he looked sheepish. “I don’t often admit it, but you guys already know about Loki and the Norse pantheon so…” he shrugged.

“But how can you…how can you hang around with _him_? After New York?” 

Tony winced. Steve really looked like someone had stomped on his puppy.

Loki’s shoulders slumped, and apparently-Jesus rubbed his back, frowning at the Avengers. “That was mean. Being controlled and forced to do something is every Trickster archetype’s worst nightmare, so of _course_ the rest of us stand by him during his recovery.”

“Wait wait wait what?” Tony babbled. “There are so many things wrong with that, starting with ‘being controlled’. Are you saying Goat Boy here was also being mind-controlled?”

“I was not _mind-controlled_ like your Agent Barton,” Loki sneered. 

Jesus nudged him. “Stop that, Loki,” he chided. “You can’t pretend you’re awesome all the time.” He turned back to the Avengers. “Loki was tortured and coerced into bringing the tesseract back to the Mad Titan, but instead of doing what they wanted and stealing the thing, he did what he does best and tricked you into fighting the Chitauri for him when he was too weak—“

“I was not _weak_ ,” Loki snapped.

Jesus turned to him and held his cheeks, forcing him to look at him. “It’s not something to be ashamed of. You did what any of us would have done.”

“Yeah, that’s the other thing.” Tony was almost fidgeting. “You keep saying _us_ like you guys are the same.”

Jesus turned back to him with that happy smile, and damn if it didn’t make Tony want to smile back. “Yes, us. Tricksters.”

“But…but I don’t understand…” Steve’s voice was quiet and slightly broken, and if Tony wasn't having a little Atheist conniption he would feel really bad for him. OK, maybe he did feel really bad for him.

Jesus just dimpled up even more. “Tricksters are characterised by challenging the status quo, playing pranks, getting into trouble with authority and often bringing something important to humanity. Loki here is constantly making fools of the Aesir, flyting, playing pranks and changing his gender. He’s responsible for bringing fire to the Norsemen, but within his own pantheon he gets a lot of punishment.” He touched his friend’s elbow. “What did Odin do to you this time, my friend?”

“An eternity of solitary confinement,” Loki snorted. “He is always surprised when I escape.” 

Jesus grinned. “Your father is charming.”

“Would you like to swap?”

“Not a chance. Joseph was a great dad. He taught me everything I know about carpentry.”

“But…but you’re the son of God,” Steve flapped.

“Yes, but Joseph raised me, so he’s my _dad_ ,” Jesus said, and Loki shifted his feet awkwardly. 

“I don’t understand why you consider yourself a Trickster…or why you’d associate with a completely different pantheon at all,” Natasha said. Tony nodded and pointed at her, retracting his face-plate.

Loki laughed. “How can you _not_ consider Christ a trickster? Even as a child he ran away from home to argue with the elders of his culture. He befriended people who were considered the scum of his society, treated women and children as equals, and vandalised a temple market. He challenged the status quo so effectively he spawned an entire new religion.” He ruffled Jesus’ hair. “Which puts you in a unique position, my friend. You are now the head of a new pantheon, both the Trickster and the status quo.”

Jesus smiled and shoved Loki’s hand off. “It’s not a pantheon if it’s monotheistic,” he snarked. “And it’s not my fault someone wants to name a religion after me while I’m sorting things out with my divine father.”

“Yahweh had no problem with that?”

Jesus shrugged. “Not really. He was in a good mood. He’s mellowed out a lot, you know. Unlike some deities I could mention.”

Loki snorted. “Indeed. Although I did not get a face full of snake venom this time. Maybe Odin is mellowing too.”

“So…what? You guys are going off for a trickster convention or something?” Tony asked.

“We get together every so often. As tricksters we are the only ones who can meet across pantheons - the others have to adhere to the status quo which is usually isolationist.”

“So Tricksters get to break the fourth wall?”

“Exactly,” said Jesus, and there was that adorable grin again. He looked at Steve, and his smile softened. Cap still looked like someone had popped his balloon. “I hope I haven’t disappointed you,” he said.

“What?” Steve’s head shot up, eyes wide. “No! Of course not, sir…I mean…”

Jesus laughed. “Ugh, don’t call me sir, please. But…are you sure you’re OK? I’ve heard it can be a bit difficult…you know, belief and knowledge don’t go together.” His eyes suddenly narrowed. “Or is it still about Loki? He’s my friend, and I’m not going to deny him.”

“Oh! No, of course not.” Steve smiled and shook his head suddenly. “I guess you’d know how that feels, huh?” He looked at Loki. “Is it true? You weren’t trying to take over the earth?”

“You’re asking for the truth from a god of lies?”

Jesus rolled his eyes. “Loki! You need to learn to help yourself, you know. No, Steve, he really wasn’t trying to take over the earth.” He shuddered. “Why would a trickster want to rule? Why would a trickster talk about freedom being a lie? Tricksters are all about freedom of expression.”

“Well,” Tony said, frowning. “Thor didn’t seem surprised that you wanted the throne.”

“Thor’s head is so far up his own ar—“ Jesus clamped his hand over Loki’s mouth.

“What he means is that Thor doesn’t actually know him very well. He’s a little self absorbed.”

Loki licked Jesus’ hand until he released him. Jesus wiped his palm on Loki’s face, and they scuffled for a moment. “As you can see,” said Loki. “Jesus is a very _nice_ trickster.”

“Thank you.”

“That wasn’t a compliment. Come on. We shall be late.”

The two of them disappeared, Jesus waving frantically at Steve. The Avengers stood, staring at the space where they had been. 

“Well, that was weird," Natasha murmured. 

Tony was still watching the Captain. "Hey…uh, you OK, Steve?”

Steve turned to Tony, a beatific grin spreading across his face. “Perfect.”

“Even though your god just turned out to be friends with our enemy?”

“Are you kidding me? This is everything Our Lord stands for. Forgiveness, love, kindness, equality…and he’s _real_ , Tony. I mean, it’s not like it was ever in doubt, but as I got older I thought he was just a symbol of all those things, but to see him, and…and _speak_ to him? Thats…”

“Yeah,” Tony smiled, gently. “Merry Christmas, Steve.”


End file.
